Can't stop



Something random.

.....

I can't stop worrying about work. It's really making me a miserable kid. When I got out of the shop today I was thinking that today is not rlly very bad. I tried to change what I think of it. But I really can't stop thinking negatively again. Am I really lousy or what? Why am I so so so scared of this seriously? This is taking over me. I am constantly thinking about it, and being scared about it. I wish someone knew. I don't know why I feel like I'm the only one feeling this way. Oh my gosh. There are things like sending food to the wrong tables flaring customers up, but it isn't really my fault. It's them who wrote the wrong order/table numbers. After flaring customers up I flare the china fellow worker there up cause I have to tell her about it as obviously I don't know what to do about it? The people in the kitchen and that old lady is always using such a fierce tone to talk to me everytime. She gets annoyed even when I take the cloth around with me and she can't find it. Like what the fuck, there are more cloths aren't there?

Then there is this sound,
"TSK"

Do you freaking know how irritating and scary this can sound? Especially for people like me who get's freaked out and starts to worry and get scared that I pissed someone off. Can you just stop doing this to me? I am just standing there to pour everything in the dustbin and if I get in your way just say "excuse me". Don't freaking "TSK" me! I feel like I'm a hindrance. And that is one of the reasons I don't feel like working there. Although I have only been there for two freaking omg-ly LONG days. Time passes so freaking slowly there, and I don't even dare to sit down even when I have nothing to do. I have to PRETEND to be very happy doing what I am doing, like going in circles pushing the chairs in, cleaning the tables all over and over and over again, bending and picking up rubbish. Even have to smile when I don't even feel at all happy. Not at all. Not at all. NOT AT ALL! Too bad I'm in drama so I love to act hur!

.....

It's freaking 1.05 AM now and I am still writing this. I am yawning continuously but I don't want to sleep. I swear it sucks to sleep at night now. Because after I sleep it will be morning and it'll be work time!! Oh yay I love work!! Oh sense it (Rolls my eye, RUDELY). I hope I wake up every hour and every hour would say " 2AM". I sound so bimbotic(Except I'm not pretty) but who cares lah! I need this ranting post. I am acting like a spoilt kid, I know. But can't I be scared? Cause I really am!


How to survive through, tell me? :(